Tuesday, July 11, 2006

The Depression Continues

I’m still bummed over the Jason Mewes news. I’m currently consoling myself by playing Placebo’s cover of The Pixies’ “Where is My Mind” over and over and over again (Thanks, Luis!). I hate you Jason Mewes, I really do.

You’ve just destroyed my childhood, or at least my late college years. And why, oh why didn’t Kevin Smith intervene? Was he too embroiled in the whole Superman fiasco to notice that his friend was slipping into the jaws of evil?

I can’t believe I feel so strongly about this. I can’t believe I’m so torn up about it. I don’t even like Jason Mewes in that way (Jason Lee is a different story). I guess it’s like finding out that your goofy favorite cousin has just hooked up with the mean slutty girl in high school. Does this mean no Mewes is good news?

Anyway, on a happier note, my friend Anson and I have come up with a rehashed version of the Santa Claus conspiracy… here it is, kids: Santa and Mao are the same person!

Exhibit A: Santa is a commie because (This idea was inspired byDJ’s Robot Boy comics)…

- knows when you are sleeping and when you are awake
- knows if you’ve been bad or good
- has an army of elves
- wears a hat
- wears red, a color associated with Christmas
- is fat
- mass produces toys for mass consumption all over the world

Exhibit B: Meanwhile, Mao…

- knew when his constituents were sleeping and when they were awake
- knew when they were bad or good
- had the Chinese army at his beck and call
- wears a hat
- wears green, a color traditionally associated with Christmas
- is fat

And now, China…

- mass produces toys for mass consumption all over the world

Now isn’t that the darnest thing? Now that we’ve shed light on the truth behind Santa, let’s see if we can pick on the Easter Bunny next…

In other, other news… I jut realized that the intro of Placebo’s “Song to Say Goodbye” sounds like the intro to Oasis’ “Wonderwall,” a song which Cat Power covers very well (Thanks again, Luis!).