It's nice to know that even musicians are concerned about the layperson's financial welfare. Now I gotta go buy stocks in oil. Won't be long till I get my yatch!
Retirement by 40??? Electricsix.com Has 5 Hot Tips To Make It Happen
The economy is tanking. The price of oil is skyrocketing. Unemployment is on the rise. What are you going to do? One route is to blame President Bush and congress, blame Countrywide Financial and Enron, blame China. Another idea is to get a third job.Or maybe, just maybe, you want to deal with it by retiring while you are still young and laugh at everyone else from the deck of your brand new yacht while you guzzle champagne and fuck expensive prostitutes!!!! Sound far-fetched?? Not as much as you'd think! Chase away your fears and worries. A lavish retirement may be headed your way sooner than you think if you follow these five simple tips brought to you by electricsix.com
1) By low, sell high
Real estate is a tried and true method of procuring quick wealth. No doubt you've heard talk of a mortgage crisis and the housing bubble bursting. Our advice? Ignore all that. Buy a house for not a lot of money, put a new coat of paint on it and then sell it for twice what you paid for it. You've just doubled your money!!!! That was easy!
2)Diversify, diversify, diversify
The market has been volatile of late, but don't worry about any of that. Many young investors make the mistake of putting their money in stocks that aren't oil companies. We recommend strongly that you put your money in stocks that ARE oil companies. And when it comes to oil companies, the more the merrier. Diversify your oil portfolio. Don't just buy stock in ExxonMobil when you can also buy stock in ConocoPhillips, British Petroleum, Royal Dutch Shell and the House of Saud. A diverse oil portfolio makes sure that you make more money while the money makes more money.
3) Find that Canadian 5-dollar bill you saved because you thought it was funny that it had hockey players on it
Remember that Canadian 5-dollar bill you kept because you thought it was funny that they put hockey players on their money? At today's exchange rate, that Canadian 5-dollar bill is worth 67,000 US dollars. Find that thing.
4) Steal David Beckham's identity
If you have a free afternoon, go to Los Angeles and rummage through David Beckham's garbage until you find a few of his credit card statements and computer passwords. Then get a hold of an encryption scrambler and an electromagnetic pulse that momentarily shuts down the power grid. Granted, these items are not cheap, but if looked upon as an investment, the return will be massive. Go back home after the EMP blast and enter the keycodes and Fibonnaci sequences into the internet and within minutes you can make David Beckham's money start working for you.
5) Just say "No!"
This might be the simplest tip of all, and also the most important. People in your life want money and payments from you all the time. By saying "no", your will notice your bank account begin to say "yes". You want me to get the next round of drinks?? No...how about YOU get it! You want me to pay for that gas I just pumped into my car? No...how about you stick it all the way up with a red hot ass poker!!!! You want me to pay my credit card statement??? No....let's not and say we did!!! By saying no to every potential payment life throws at you, your money supply never gets depleted. At times, others will react poorly to your financial strategy but the important thing is to ask yourself what is most important. Do you remain focused on the goal or do you let whining ninnies and greedy money-grubbing twits distract you from the endgame? Like anything in life, you have a choice. We believe if you choose to say no and hold the line every time, your golden years will be upon you sooner than you think.
Call the harbormaster....tell him he's gonna have to make room for one more yacht!!!!
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